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Up and Down Everest nearly 4 times 617 miles 6 weeks 4 days. Suffering severe alltitude sickness.

Today Lady Caroline Edmund Hillary Gray and her Sherpa Idiot Gray completed ascending and descending 11o,000 feet. Lady Gray was presented with the honoury crushed can award by Mr Random Physco who was able to fit this in before he went to the Cobra Kissing competition. Another silly thing. This award was for ridiculous, painful and boring challenges undertaken in the name of good causes. As you can see in the picture Lady Gray was sporting the latest and dare I say it finnest in Birdnest hairdo’s. At the presentation she had a lengthy amount to say but it boiled down to, eventually, to ‘I believe in the 7 P’s Planning and Preparation Prevent a Particulary Piss Poor Performance’. She went on to say ‘I’ve got very much better at going up hill however I’m still not very good at going down!’ At this the hersin Sherpa Gray, who up until now had as far as I had noticed had been picking bits from his beard food I hoped and washing them down with cider, piped up saying ‘Dan’t knock yerself me Lady. you’se know’s there’s plenty enough of em tha’ll do it for ya’ Arf Arf. Lady C gave him quite a look. At which he caught my eye and gave me the most unpleasant of grins. I was thinking of leaving the ceromony at this point but Sherpa Gray had hobbled his way over to me and wanted a word. Now I must say that the smell that accompanied this fellow was well impossible to describe. To give the fellow his due he did realise that he rather smelly. He explained thus ‘Well ya know most of the time you can wipe what ya need to like ya nose. However on a walk like this some things get missed, unless you’s wanna spend a lotta money or jump in the old briney and I ain’t doin that. I sooner let fings rot a bit. Lord knows ha Lady C keeps herself clear though! Minds you she does spend ages in the bog though’. How she has managed to spend time with odourious creature is beyond me. They share a tent too!!

Anyway Sherpa Gray now wanted to tell me a story. Apparently it made him laugh. He told me the story like this. ‘It were a couple of weeks back na just as we’s got rand Lans End. Well me Lady were looking forward ta seeing this aut door feeeta place. It were cut into the cliff somewhere or something. Minack was it’s name I fink. Anyways when we got there it were all shut of. ‘Oh that’s such a shame, you used tobe able to walk around and see everything’. I’ll tell ya na, bran new car park full of flashy motors, ya even ave to pay for a little look at it! So I’s says to me Lady that must have bin nice. Something free for all people to see a bit of a socialist ideal really. Unlike the capatalist society we live in na. Feed by the greed drug and encouraged by a line of successive corrupt gouvernments ever since er who must be obeyed Fatchers time. Wouldn’t be nice if every Tom Dick an Harry could go there or anywhere and enjoy a cultural experiance. Nar then this is what made me laurf. ‘Tom Dick and Harry.Who are they? Sound a bit rough to me! No I think it’s best if the art’s are left to those who can afford and obviously have the education to enjoy souc things. Anyway chop chop Gray we haven’t got tine’ Larf did I. I nearly bought a Scoda as they used ta say

Enough of this stuff 2 days from home er Ladyship has stuck to it better than I would ever imangined. Hat off to her. Can’t say it’s been a pleasure and I’m not going to agree anything else ever. Dig Deep Cheers Nick


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